Mr. and Mrs. Murphy Monday: Our Wedding Night

My family has nicknamed me and my hubby Mr. and Mrs. Murphy because of the random stuff that always seems to happen to us. You know Murphy's Law; "Whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time, in the worst possible way." I don't look at myself as cursed, but as someone who is very blessed. Weird things just happen to me; that's all.
This edition of Mr. and Mrs. Murphy is a throwback from 2006--my wedding night. Now before you go thinking that this is a story about how my wedding was a complete disaster, trust that it actually wasn't. My wedding day was probably the most fabulous day in my life. With that said, allow me to explain what happened after the wedding was over.

My uncle gave us a limo as a wedding present and my sister booked us a hotel room for our wedding night. Everything was planned and ready to go. When it was time to get in the limo, my husband realized that his best man left with his overnight bag in the trunk. We got married in my mom's backyard and our condo was only a couple minutes away so we asked the driver to stop by our house so Hubs could get some clothes.

When we arrived at the hotel, several teenie boppers were entering. We realized that a prom was going on in one of the ballrooms--great! We walked into the lobby still dressed in wedding dress and tuxedo. Hubs was wearing his baseball cap that said GROOM on the front. So we clearly looked like newlyweds, right? WRONG!

We maybe got 20 feet in the door when we heard, "hats off." We kept walking because clearly the hotel worker was not talking to us. Then the voice got louder and more obviously directed toward us. My husband continued to ignore him, but I was a little offended that this fool professional would put us in the category with the prom goers. I mean my dress WAS FABULOUS and my husband had on a hat that clearly said GROOM. I don't know. Maybe he couldn't read. So I just had to say:

"Dude! I'm wearing a fricken wedding dress and he is wearing a hat that says GROOM. We just got married, you idiot!"

He followed us a little after that because we weren't walking in the direction of the prom. DUH! At this point my husband stopped:

"Look man! Can't you see we just got married!"

We then walked to the front desk and this fool professional commenced to yell at us from the door which was like 500 feet away. He was screaming some garbage about us having an attitude and what not. This infuriated my husband and I literally had to hold him back. Heck yeah we had an attitude. He's lucky he didn't get injured. I mean really. He was completely out of control! The lady at the front desk apologized profusely, and we decided to let it go for the sake of the occasion. We did end up having a lovely wedding night. However, the next morning we had a lengthy conversation with the manager of the hotel.

Moral of the story: Some people take their jobs a little too seriously.

~Joan

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Am I the Only One...

...who has conversations like this with her husband?

Me: Have you seen my lotion?
Hubs: Check the pantry.

What tha...?

Me: Where are the nail clippers?
Hubs: Check in the bed.

What tha...?

Me: Where is the fourth pillow for our bed?
Hubs: I don't know. You haven't seen it?
Me: No. I just got back in to town. Where is the pillow?
Hubs: I don't know.
Me: How in the heck do you lose a big 'ol pillow?! Just tell me what happened. Did you spill something on it and decide to throw it away?

(Pillow misteriously reappears several weeks later.)

Me: Oh look....the missing pillow!
Husband: Huh? Oh yeah.
Me: Where did it come from?
Husband: shrugs

What tha...?

Is it just me?

BTW: Tomorrow we will be celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary! Happy Day to us!

~Joan

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(Not So) Wordless Wednesday: You Go Girl! (A male perspective)

Have you seen the Go-Girl? It's a unique female urination device that allows women to pee standing up. Still don't get it? Click on the picture to the left to find out more information and to get your own Go-Girl. Watch the video to see why I love my family. They bring me comic relief on a daily basis. Listen to my sister and my husband's conversation about the Go-Girl.

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This Is Why I Need My Own Reality Show: 1

5 minutes ago......
My Mom is in town visiting. Hubby begins preparing to cook breakfast and throws a roll of sausage on the counter.

Mom: Sausage?
Hubby: Yeah.
Mom: Aren’t you Catholic?
Hubby: Mmm hmm?
Mom: It’s Good Friday isn’t it?
Hubby: Oh. It’s Good Friday?!

Hubby shrugs….continues with the sausage.

God bless him!

~Joan

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Is It Just Me?

Before I met my hubby he had a motorcycle that got stolen. He always wanted another one, but I was totally against it because I think they're too dangerous. I even threatened to shave my head bald if he bought one (I know, real mature, right). This year I finally gave in to the motorcycle because I was sick of it being an issue and I knew he really wanted one. I even said I might ride if he buys me a pink helmet ;)

So yesterday, I was thinking to myself, tomorrow is going to be a nice day, so he'll probably ride his motorcycle. Let me make some small talk about it and show him some support to let him know I am no longer bitter about the bike:

Me: Are you going to ride your bike tomorrow?

Hubby: (sarcastic laugh) Why? What's going on?

Me: Nothing. I was just wondering if you were going to ride your bike.

Hubby: (annoyed) Where is this going? What do you need to do tomorrow? Do you need the car for something?

Me: No! I was just curious. Why are you so paranoid? You are looking way too deep into this.

Hubby: No. Why are you talking around the subject? Just ask me what you really want to ask. I don't like when you indirectly try to ask me something.

Me: I don't do that. You do that. I was just asking a question...trying to make small talk, but I'll just stop talking now.

Hubby: Well, I do do that, but I won't do it anymore because I don't like when you do it.

Me: I'm not doing it! Just making small talk...

Hubby: That's not small talk. Small talk is, 'Hey. How ya doing?' I know what this is about. You heard me on the phone talking to my friend about our bikes, but you don't want to admit that's what this is about.

Me: Okay, psycho! I'm so not talking to you anymore!

The thing is, I know he was acting like this because he had plans to ride his bike. I was completely fine with that. Anyway, luckily we get on each other's nerves all the time and it usually ends with someone being called "psycho" and then we go about our normal lives. I can count on one hand the number of times we have actually gone to bed upset with each other and still have a few fingers left over. Have you ever had a conversation like this with your spouse or significant other?

Now I know why I never witnessed my grandparents have a conversation in 20 years ;)

~Joan

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Family Ties Part 2: The Verdict

You may want to read yesterday's post to understand the story behind today's.



Well, those of you who guessed that my brother-in-law is in his 30's were close, but no cigar. He will actually be 41 this year! I know........SAD! Also, the dog really did only have one puppy. It's rare, but apparently it does happen from time to time. Anyway, I contemplated not doing these posts about him because I didn't want him to read them and get offended. Then I remembered that he just discovered the internet a couple of months ago (Oh wow! The internet has everything! I can find people I haven't talked to in a long time too!") and figured I'd be safe. Oh, did I mention when he came to visit us on Thanksgiving that he actually drove to the airport to purchase his plane ticket. I almost peed on myself when my husband told me this. What is wrong with that man?! I guess everyone is unique in their own way!



~Joan

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Family Ties: Must We Claim Him?

Here's the phone conversation that occurred between my hubby and his brother at 6am some time last week:

Hubs: (sleepy and annoyed) Hello.

Bro: Hey man! Diamond (his dog) just had her puppy!

Hubs: Puppy? Just one puppy?

Bro: Yeah.

Hubs: Well that's unusual. When dogs have babies, they usually have litters.

Bro: Naw, she just had one.

Hubs: That still doesn't sound right.

Bro: Yeah. I only let her do it once.

Hubs: I have to go!

Hangs up phone and turns to me.

Hubs: I don't think my brother understands how babies are made or where they come from!

Okay, now let's play a little game called How Old is My Brother-in-Law. There just might be something in it for the person who guesses the correct age. Stay tuned for more brother-in-law blunders!

~Joan

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Thankful Thursday: My Husband

If it ain't broke don't fix it! That's one of my mottos in life. My mother says I'm cursed with practicality. My husband is all about change. Change is good right? I'm cool with change if it's necessary, but again, if it ain't broke don't fix it.

Sprint has been my cell phone service provider since 1998. I've been overall happy with the service and have never wanted to switch providers. My husband...my sweet sweet husband decides he wants to switch to T Mobile (former Nextel customer) because he likes their plans better. I was fine with that until he wanted me to jump on the bandwagon. I said absolutely not because I am perfectly content with my Sprint Simply Everything plan (if you have Sprint I highly recommend it). I get everything for $100--no extra charges, no hidden fees. Anyhoo, he left me alone and went over to T Mobile.

Here is the conversation between me and my husband last week while he was at the T Mobile store:
Hubby: T Mobile is offering $10/month home phone service when you open up a new cell phone account.

Me: (Remembering the nightmare it was when we switched our phone service from Comcast to AT&T because he just had to have Direct TV so that he could watch the Redskins on the NFL Ticket and also remembering the fact that the whole fiasco resulted in us changing our home phone number)

No. I don't think that's a good idea because I don't want our number to change again and I don't want the internet to get messed up because I need it for work.

Hubby: It'll be fine. They said we can keep our number and you don't have to worry about the internet because that won't change....we'll still get it through AT&T.

Me: I still don't think it is a good idea. I'll pay the extra money not to go through the hassle. But okay. Whatever....

Here's the saga that began a few days later:

Day 1: Internet goes down.

Day 2: Phone goes down/internet goes up.

Day 3: Both internet and phone go down.

Days 4-6: My husband spend 24 hours a day on the phone with T Mobile and AT&T tech support, and I spend 3 days at my sister's because she has internet.

Day 7: Internet is back up and phone is still down. AT&T truck pulls up in front of the house. AT&T man bangs and digs on the side of my house.

Day 8: My husband takes the little black box back to T Mobile and tells me we have a new phone number.

And guess who it's with? AT& FRICKEN T! So 8 days of drama and we're right back at square one, only with a different phone number. Through this whole ordeal I've resisted the urge to say "I told you so," and I've just nodded my head patiently. Today I wanted to scream! Here is the conversation after my DH told me our phone number has changed AGAIN:

Hubby: I'm taking the T Mobile box back and we have a new number (remorseful sigh).

Me: Why aren't we going with T Mobile so we can keep the number like they said.

Hubby: Because we wouldn't get service for 2 more weeks (yada yada... something about terms and conditions of his plan...yada yada).

Me: I just wish you would listen to me more.

Hubby: Gee, you really know how to kick a man when he's down. I already feel bad enough and now you have to say, 'I told you so.'

Me: I didn't say I told you so. I just said I wish you would listen to me more.

Hubby: Well, I told you so was implied.

Okay, so maybe it was implied. But don't I have the right to be a little upset? Had he listened to me, he wouldn't have gone through 8 days of hell and we would still have the same phone number. Now I've got to send out the quarterly email to family and friends saying, "BTW our phone number has changed AGAIN." People are going to think we're running from bill collectors or something.

Anyway, I know you're waiting for me to get to the point, so I will. Hubbies and significant others do all types of crazy things to annoy us. My mom made a good point when she said, "look at all the things you do to annoy him." The fact of the matter is that he made a mistake and he tried really really hard to fix it. Some people would have just been like, "oh we deal with it." Not my hubby. He worked day and night to try to fix the problem because he knew how important it was to me. My husband is all about change, so why try and change him? If he ain't broke, don't fix him. I thank God for my husband every day!

Who are you thankful for and why?

~Joan

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